Internal Conflicts

I am not in love with you. Am I?
You are no good for me. Are you?
You are a monster. Aren't you?
You have done bad things.
You hurt me. You know that, right?
I am not in love with you... am I?
You don't even think about me. Do you?
You treat me bad. (hardly)
You have a bad reputation. It matters, doesn't it?
Everyone thinks you are bad. Are you?
I am not in love with you. I'm not.
But I miss your lips. I shouldn't.
I miss you. I can't.
Your voice still echos. It wont leave.
I am not in love with you. I can't be.
You don't mean anything to me. (I'm lying)
I have a boyfriend who treats me good. Does he?
Everyone says you are worthless. They don't know you.
You avoided me. I know you didn't mean it.
You are all I think about. Don't tell.
I am not in love with you. Am I?

the best kind of hunger

the envelope that you scribbled on.
those old gray pajamas that i used to wear,
crumbled up on your side of the bed.
and i cant quite explain what i mean
but i'm trying so hard. the windows are closed
and the airs blowing hot but i'm freezing.
oh darling, come home cause winters alone
are like punishments for things
that we haven't done wrong.

You make watching the sunrise bigger than the cliches now.

As you might have guessed I've been to some horrible places
and I've known a few girls with love on their faces
and heat on their tongues, and bite like the serpent.
leave a hole in my body when their teeth break the surface.

You've got this power to make me forget.
so much better than trying, of drinking my self to death.
with the heart like a lion thats been shot through the chest
in close range by a hunter who wanted his skin, but discovered
up close he was covered with mange, so she left them there dead
but the vultures remain.

I'm breathing your air, this is the best kind of hunger.

this hardly looks like the same moon

Its amazing with the look in your eyes
like you could save me, but you wont even try.
and to tell me again how everything will be alright

I saw pictures in my head and
I sware I saw you opening up again.

The days are drifting away from me.
I still wake up burning through everything.

I wear you out, so who would have
thought that you'd still be here now?
and I swore dear, that I never wanted
to be any better than your weakest moment.

This was all sweet once, when I was
fingertips and innocence. Just couldn't let go;
I had my arms stretched to the
pretty holes in your most romantic line.

I stuffed myself sick on your memory
the beautiful mess that we made
but I'm so tired of being inspired
only when things slip away.

If I bent like you said was best,
would that change a thing?
if I spent my self, or whats left,
would you still leave me here?

so sorry bout it all, now that its over.
should I thank you for that dear?
so sorry bout it all, and I hope you'll always be.

Cause I remember you best
hating all the boys who got to you
and all the things the took
that you kept for yourself

5 am, undressed. In your static, you're a mess.
I don't need any new voices.
I'm thick enough with superstitions and choices.

While I'm surrounded, you spill,
all alive and brand new.
and I forget about you long enough
to forget why I need to.

Trailed by a mess, a masking tape
construction paper with the best of intentions.
He tried to patch up every hole as you went.
Back and forth, and back again.
His friends are full of half concerns,
embarrassed looks and tired words.
They burrow deep against the ignorance,
the lives they perfered and he envied
their distance, their lack of concern.

he cursed himself and his instict
to nurse every idea to health
and all the falls that he'd spent
trying to coax the name from the mouths of success.

They litter me with small awarenesses,
then they ask if I'm good enough.
They litter me with small awarenesses,
just to wake me up.
Why do the fools wake me up?

You sounded so good on the phone,
all grown up and all moved on.
Me and gravity, we never could agree.
I can almost see the sky when I need to close my eyes
you're the only thing thats worth holding onto.

Ready to erase this I am ready to begin.
Spent myself trying to change all the beauty
we made just to want it all back again.
and with the clouds moving in,
well this hardly looks like the same moon

love I try to follow

You can rob me of my sight and you can
poison my bloodstream but as long as
I can dream then life is worth living.

I saw you spiraling, I saw you spinning back in time
through all your memories. Such a quiet disease.

It moves so fast theres no time for perfection
so make the most of this life

People walk around pushing back their debts
wearing their paychecks like necklaces and bracelets
talking bout nothing, not thinking about death.

The air on my skin and the world under my toes
labor is stitched into the fabric of my clothes
chaios and commotion everywhere that I go,
love I try to follow

I've always wanted you too close

I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I'm holding you closer than most,
'Cause you are my heaven.

I don't wanna waste the weekend,
If you don't love me, pretend

Still I can't let you be,
Most nights I hardly sleep.
Don't take what you don't need from me.

Love and loss, truth it costs more than I can spare right now.
Maybe it's simpler to lie...

Spinning harder now, you seem confused.
I close my eyes, but I'm still watching you.
If you're broken,
I will gather up your pieces from the filthy ground.

When this summertime ends, we will not part as friends,
Things were promised in blood; we have sinned.

Now there's tears in her eyes as she's screaming goodbyes,
I run 'long side the car turning numb to the sound.

Watching you watching me,
A fine way to fall asleep.
The neighbors fight,
As we both rest our eyes.

Innocence didn't mean we're immune to these things,
Let's blame the passage of time.

And I see I'm wrong for you, but we tried.
You swear I'm hard to lay beside.
If I was you I'd run from me most nights
Maybe I was meant to be left behind

I don't know where the next six months will go,
But I'm sure sunrise tomorrow will be better than the one before.

I am a metaphor for all the things I couldn't say

Why, why, why, is it hard to sleep without you?
I don't mind if you build your dreams around it.
We won't survive on this borrowed time;
I don't know why you'd wanna try.
I said, "Why, why, why do we waste time on these white lies?"

I never was a fan of innocence
I've got two black eyes
And an empty fifth of gin

Cigarettes and innocence are scattered on the floor
It's the first of October and the summer is gone
You can't walk away and try claim that none of this was real
Sometimes autumn is confusing and I know exactly how you feel

Still I search to find the words
I scream until it hurts and no one hears me
So I breathe deep and start again
Turn my face into the wind and let my heart speak

White picket fences offer no defenses
And the children laugh in the streets but that's not all she needs

You were nothing but a smile
A nervous laughter
Spend the evenings in your dark blue cotton sheets

With my fingertips I trace on your bare skin
All of the things I'd like to say but cannot speak

Hotels and cigarettes
And empty bars where I just sit
And contemplate the things that I can't know